some day

Some day, like Anne Shirley, I can call this phase an "Epoch in my life." I am being incessantly challenged to do that which I never thought I would be capable of doing. But I do realize that a trying period serves to strengthen one, in the long run. My scatter-brained self is being forced into an organised mode, of better time management and self-discipline. In long after years, maybe I will lie silently in bed, and recall this phase, how crazy and anxious I felt, how inefficient I felt, and how I worked hard on my short-comings.
I was speaking to one of my best friends from College, about how University was really a honeymoon phase, with extra shots of honey and a lot of moon-shine. I mean, I studied a subject I am in LOVE with..LIT.everyday was like a Revelation, like a new phase of a long lasting love-bond.
Today, I feel elated...elation has come, if a little belated.
I taught a young class, of impressionable minds, about the wonders of Shakespeare. Yes, William has ALWAYS been a firm friend, he has never let me down, and he didn't today.
During my O Levels, his lines were inspiration enough for me to look at life with the eyes of a bright, bright bird...oh the thrills his poetry gave me...his plays were so wonderful..."parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good-night till it be morrow." How lovely. R and J is still my favorite play. I've had to read so many plays after that, but this one is unparalleled in its use of language.
The only play I don't like that much is Measure for Measure...it is indeed a "problem play," in the deepest sense of the term.
I am taking a break from my work as I write this. Writing is really therapeutic. It does what the Coolness of a Mother's hand can do to a hot, fevered fore-head of a sick child.
I miss home. But I firmly believe that this 'Rite of Passage' was necessary. It has helped me grow, in ways that will show in later years. Hopefully.
I am contemplating that elusive yet inevitable PhD...Keats? Shakespeare? Post -colonial? I still cannot decide, but I do think that I will settle on poetry in the end.
Teaching Secondary school makes me feel more grounded. It has really brought me down from the Ivory Tower of Lit. I occupied. Why yes, I cannot deny that Lit majors do live in some sort of Utopic world of Ideal Seclusion. Here, I am challenged by real people, real situations. Literature is ALSO about reality. It is one of the most REAL subjects I know. But vicarious thrills are different from real ones. I must add that all thrills are not pleasant.
I was going mad the other day, reminiscing about Chemistry. Though this does sound ODD, I feel that Chemistry is one of the most romantic subjects ever. I love the way in which chemical bonds can be explained. Even the most inanimate of chairs consists of firmly bonded molecules and atoms. And not everything can bond with everything else. No there are rules, preferences, affiliations. wow. And the Periodic Table Sigh. My fervent desire is to have a wall in my room, wall-papered with the Periodic Table. :))
I miss curling up at home, with a nice pillow to hug, reading, reading and reading. I miss sudden phone calls from my University friends, coaxing me to join them for a walk. I miss seeing my parents and grad-parents every day. I miss all this too intensely sometimes. The intensity threatens to choke and overpower, but I am trying to over-power it.
Whta else? I saw a doctor about the cold I caught, and am feeling much better, though I am yelling meself hoarse in mst of the classes. I still have lesson plans to work on and finish.
And Sigh, what else? Lots more? Nothing else? I don't know...sometimes I feel so confused, so lost. At other moments, I see sparks of light at the end of the tunnel. But does the tunnel even have an end? Where does the tunnel lead to. Most importantly, what is the tunnel? Is it a symbol? Basically, writing is my way of talking to myself, in the absence of my besties.
But I must say that I AM VERY GRATEFUL for all the new friends I have made here.