Saturday, August 18, 2012

Not JUUUUST a mall

Though there are stacks of marking crying out for my attention, they can wait just a while. Oh is WHAT is that part of speech called, where a part represents the whole...as in, would my reference to academic essays as 'marking,' qualify as an xample of a Synechdoche, or would the term Metonymy be more appropriate?
Having said that, I have been singing several silent odes to a shopping mall of late...ask my close friends back in Cal...I was averse to shopping malls in general...while some might, and rightly argue that they have their advantages, such as creating a host of jobs, allowing people to congregate and offering convenience in terms of 'all things retail,' in general...i was still averse to them...to me, they were impersonal, overly-commercial buildings, rows of shops with no emotional value whatsoever...maybe because my old school campus was, well, replaced by one...
However, however...JP is different. It's where I could FEEL myself growing up...i feel that this is not going to be as eloquent a post I had hoped it would be, though I have so much to say...It is in a lonely corner of this mall that I had silently teared, having succumbed to a powerful wave of home-sickness...I must have attracted the collective attention of many passers-by, but the people here are so nice, that they did not stand and stare at me, they let me be...it was here that I bought my first dress with my first-earned allowance...it was here that I shopped for presents for my family and friends with the remuneration for the first few months...I remember spending every penny I could spare...and buying things which were mostly, largely, unnecessary...I remember walking around this place for hours, my splendid sense of direction leading me the wrong way every two steps...I remember trying to immerse myself in the food culture here, tentatively trying out new food items, and learning the spellings of local delights! I remember walking off the tension of having to take my first ever class here...I remember how 'comforted' I felt when I began to find my way around, with a warm sense of familiarity in an unknown land, when I received sudden and beaming smiles from the sales-people, who possibly saw me gallavanting around, more often than not...I remember trying Hot Soya Milk for the first time here, I remember the warm, 'runny' comfort it offered me as it trickled down my throat and how I thought it smelt as fresh and sweeeeet as a baby...it was here that I wove so many hopes for my days ahead, it was here that I must have unconsciously planned my lessons and anticipated student-reactions. It was here that I spent some lonely hours as well, and tried to over-come some sad feelings... It was here that I watched my first movie alone, and cried through it, just feeling funny that I was watching a movie alone, though it is rather a natural thing to do...it is here that i watched my SECOND movie alone, loving every moment of it...it counted that the movie was much better than the first, of which I didn't miss much, despite the tears...it was from here that I made thousands of phone calls home...Ami ekhon ei dokaane, ei khachhi, er shaathe...it is here that I had deep, indelible, ever-etched conversations with some of my closest local friends...it was here from where I embarked on my first ever MRT ride...I passed through JP with one very close friend of mine during those tiring weeks of practicum...and both she and I barely used to catch one another, because we were both so sleepy...
In another strain, life has been rewarding...i am trying to sip out the honey and cast out the thorns, as Anne Shirley was wont to do...except for those thorns whcih will help me grow by bleeding out my faults...

Friday, August 10, 2012

What is life, unless it is filtered
Through a many-hued prism?
What is a connection all about?
Unless it's been through a schism?

What does friendship really mean
Unless it is tested by time?
What does harmony imply, if we
cannot sift cacophony from a Chime?

What does Love mean to you
On the loneliest of nights?
How is Companionship able
To reach unattainable heights?



As sweet as joy is the most bitter pill,
To a body which is weary and ill.
How a firm grasp of a gentle hand,
Energises and revives the will...


How warm is the sense of security,
After being in the heart of a storm.
How nice it is to find ourselves,
After we've been out of form.



How do we measure the softness of a petal,
If not against the flower's thorn?
How do we mend something precious,
Unless it has been torn?


How soothing are the gathering clouds,
After a spell of Heat...
How welcome is the hardest chair,
After hours of being on our feet.

How purple is the evening haze,
When gazed upon with tired eyes.
How like music is a baby's laugh,
After enduring a night of cries.

How calming is a night of sleep,
After days and nights of unrest.
How important is kindness to a starved soul,
Its beauty surpasses all rest.

How thankful we are for a true, true friend,
When the day is all but done.
How rewarding it must be to unite,
With the chosen one.


What will happiness mean to us.
If we don't shed a bitter tear or two?
How drab will Life be indeed,
Unless it passes through unintended hues.


Thursday, August 9, 2012

Thought processing

You know, I  miss writing all the time, at every part of the day. Sometimes I wake up to a dissolving dream which awaits chronicling, but try as I might to recall it all day, I find myself unable to do so. It makes me feel horribly incompetent to be such a lazy writer. For though I am excessively occupied with professional matters, I should motivate myself to scribble a line or two now and then.
Work is demanding but is also rewarding. Teaching can bring you to the highest of highs. It can also drain you...physically and emotionally. I have made so many mistakes, and I realise that I haven't lost my old and possible eternal fear of making mistakes. I try not to repeat them but make new ones instead. I don't know where the problem lies: in setting unrealistic self-expectations or in the discerning attitude of the world.
Life has also been positive...meeting many people, but mostly being absorbed into the work culture. But sometimes I  fear that I am forgetting myself in the process...like yesterday,  I watched Ratatouille and felt re-connected with 'my inner sense of art' (my how grand THAT sounds...haha) all over again. I keep trying to figure out how I would have reacted to a similar situation 2 years ago...I keep trying to map my growth, my change. I am expected to have ventured into the realm of full fledged adult-hood now. Well maybe I can allow myself to be twen-teen for another year. I am supposed to be grown up. A phase I have dreamt of ever since ever...but WHAT does the word mean? How am I expected to behave? I feel certain undeniable changes in me...I find that I have become MUCH less picky about things in general...I use the word since I heard it yesterday, in Ratatouille and registered it at once as a piece of Profound wisdom: THE TRICK, my friend, lies in not being PICKY...yes, being fastidious will only bring with it a host of problems...I feel more humility as I learn new things every day...I feel more shy sometimes, I don't know why...not while taking classes, which I approach with more confidence and ease ever day...but in my social interactions, I feel more diffident than ever before...and I am puzzled...where is my ease of conversation hiding? Why am I becoming quieter? When will I laugh a hail and hearty laugh at nothing in particular again? I guess I should wait till I am reunited with my best of friends again...a whole host of them fro school and University days...
I guess its the transition...from being a student to a career-girl, from actually watching and feeling my dreams take shape around me...for a lot of them have come true...hard work though it may be, this is PRECISELY the kind of job I had craved for, in those long-ago days of weaving the future out of threads of hope, hard-work and wonder...but had I asked for something more?
All transitions are hard...happiness lies in accepting things fast, and then ensconcing yourself into the wayyyy of things before the next transition turns up...
I guess I need to engage in a heart-to heart conversation with one who has known me for a looong time...that would help me connect my life to the past me more happily...because while I grow and Learn, I must not forget the shadows of the past...I miss my old life, but I am warming up to a new way of seeing things...all for the best, I hope...
Also whenever I recall my childhood the first thoughts to cross my mind are that of a girl reading and imagining, reading and imagining, alternately...but usually together...and interacting with people...the faces of my friends are forever in the fore-ground of my mind...the many memories we've made together, from the smallest to the largest, from the loudest to the quietest, from the palest to the most colourful, are woven together with memory glue, much like a spider's web...
But there's one thing I await...
Life tests all of us, it's what we learn and how we USE and APPLY that knowledge, and strive to be better people, along the way.
I suddenly miss Kolkata...I miss it all the time...I miss family
As an aside, I really want to watch the movie on Darwin's life, named CREATION...and I want to re-read so many books...<3 ...am="...am" currently="currently" ingleside...oh="ingleside...oh" l.m.="l.m." montgomery="montgomery" p="p" reeeeading="reeeeading">