this was written in a such a rush

Tuesday, October 02, 2007
the colour exercise...chocolate
It had been raining ever since she could remember. Leslie leaned over the sill of the curtainless window and watched the dismal drops drench the narrow alley she would eternally reign over. The ground was covered with the tantalisingly brown, gooey allure of mud--it looked so tempting, just like the molten chocolate which would be sold in that shop with those alarmingly large windows. She remembered the stinging coldness of the glass as she would press her snub little nose against the pane, staring inside with an eager earnestness which made her eyes and mouth water. How very cruel of them to pour a divine delight like that into such narrow, harsh glasses---did not the chocolate feel as numb as her nose felt? How she longed to warm it, to let it trickle through her lips, to tingle her tongue. Once she was caught licking the painfully clean glass windows, and the shop-owner made sure he put an end to her daily, (rather hourly) pilgrimages. Well, she said to herself-she wouldn't have to witness the restriction of her beloved chocolate anymore. Here her own alley was inundated with a munificent deluge of the stuff...oh, she pined to go out and taste it! But would it suit the dignity of a stately queen of the alley to do so? Not in HER dreams.
Posted by dryad at 9:32 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, September 26, 2007

meaningless ranting

i just don't know, and i won't even bother to try. don't ask me why...my mind is a riot of confused colours at the moment...each trying to edge the other out. i really DON'T know what it is that's bothering me.

""""""""

And then he said...
"Let's follow the map of stars and go,
To that lone place only you and I know."

And so we ran...
To watch the soul-thrilling meeting of Sea and Sun,
Merging their bodies till they were one.

and soon we sat,
Beneath the un-intrusive Moon
On the soft, yielding sand---
While all the while did he croon
Magical Melodies as he clasped my hand.

And soon we lay
Our eyes searching the sky for a poem.
While the snow-capped waves bathed our feet,
Gently washing away our heat........

I knew this wouldn't, it couldn't last...
But little did I know that
The spell would break so fast...

And then he went on saying...
"Help me choose a gift for my girl-friend."

well,

i've realised that most of the poems on my blog are results of idle typing exercises...and i should seriously post the stuff i invest so much more of my energy into. anyway, i had a youthforDI meeting today and i thoroughly enjoyed myself...we're making plans for visiting a senior citizens' home soooon. and we might put up a goofy dance show...
i had a macaroon tart after ages today, and gosh it felt good.
i want to resume learning bharatnatiyam again...lesseee

this is something i wrote at 15!

in retrospect, i shall call it "An exercise in exaggertion."

My love is like a shooting star,
Sent down by the pale moon:
Gleaming like a heap of fine gold,
Upom a silver spoon!

I shall never stop loving "thee"
Let the moon in Seas' drown:
My heart's bonded to yours for-ever,
If the world goes up-side down.

If silver souls meet together,
To form a Golden Heart,
ours will merge with one another,
Till from this world we part.

In Eternity, my fondest love,
Search not for my soul:
For i'll be within YOU, my love,
We'l exist as one whole.

tee-hee...:::::-----------PPPPPP

" "

the evening slithered into the fountain,
Like a surreptitious serpent.
why didn't you cry out then?
it is too late to exorcise your waters,
they are coloured by streaks of twilight,
which make you so opaque.
so unreadable. so confused.
you weren't like this before.
but it isn't as late as you think.

uh-oh!!

i think i might be beginning to lose some of that idiosyncratic Idealism and my "childhood's faith."
"I've tried the world, it wears no more, the colouring of Romance it wore."
And like a certain Miss Shirley, i'm immediately comforted by the romance in the IDEA of a world devoid of romance.
yes, i'm incurable and you shan't disillusion me.

some of my favourite poems...

LA FILGLIA CHE PIANGE
ODE TO A NIGHTINGALE
KUBLA KHAN
THE EMPEROR OF ICE-CREAM
THE GARDEN---POUND
TO HIS COY MISTRESS
SHAKESPEARE'S 73RD
ULYSSES
PRUFROCK
MY LAST DUCHESS
MEETING AT NIGHT
" HOW DO I LOVE THEE?"...E.B.B.
SO WE'LL GO NO MORE -A-ROVING
OZYMANDIAS
THE OLD VICARAGE....
AND MANY, MANY, MANY MORE

crazystuff

The shop was old, its wares unsold,
The old man bent over the counter.
A fly buzzed in, and perched on a tin
Which would trap the milk-powder for-ever,
Till it was powder no more,
but lumps of time-hardened strangeness.

i'm confused, but mostly happy.

i wonder and ponder if...

...an Idealist never be a Pragmatist? Will Helen Schlegel always remain in opposition to the likes of Mr. Wilcox?

erm, excuse the bad poetry, but i'm tired and confused, yet determined to let out my muddled thoughts.

The sky is blushing, the birds are rushing,
Night's curtain will soon unravel,
the sun to another land will travel:
the purple cloud shrugs and sighs,
And hurriedly says a few good-byes,
as it won't be there when the sun returns,
so it cries and cries and cries...
though it has no eyes...

The sky is blushing, the birds are rushing,
Night's curtain will soon unravel,
the sun to another land will travel:
The purple cloud shrugs and sighs,
And hurriedly says a few good-byes
it won't be there when the sun returns...
so it cries and cries and cries,
though it has no eyes....
and before its time it dies.

A murmur of bees breaks my thoughts,
Their incessant buzzing murders my ideals,
The butterfly flaps its wings on my eye-lids, and
brushes away the drops.

Tonight i'll let you go, though YOU know,
we never belonged to one another,
My imagined memories of our togetherness
scatter across the leaf strewn walk
of life.

I can only hope that one leaf
won't Fall...like most of the others will.

untitled

i'm so exhausted and exhilerated all at once!! i've read far too much biography for one day...and waves of some indescribable emotion are breaking upon me, as my eyes wander over the pages chronicling keats's life...i think it's sadness...a painful, harrowing sadness...had he any way of knowing that a girl in india, would experience such a rich multitude of emotions, on reading about his life, almost two centuries later? of course he hadn't...but the thought of it feels so strange...will any of our lives induce such feelings in the minds of unknown others? who is to tell.

i LOVE keats with a passion of sorts!I am both allured and repelled by biographies though!! they really inspire me with a vague sense of poignant empathy. okies, i'm basically writing rubbish to wiggle away from studying, so n'more for now!! i have a test tomorrow...and reams of notes to wade thru,. :----------------------( my looong face.

LOL

i wonder if "you know who" reads this blog...and i'm NOT speaking of Voldemort.

*sniffle*

i have a horrid cold!!!
i realised that i still love jim morrison's genius:

"no eternal reward shall forgive us now, for wasting the dawn."
"i love the friends i have gathered together on this thin raft...we have constructed pyramids in honour of our escaping."
"unhappy girl, left all alone, playing solitare, playing warden to your soul, you are caught, in a prison, of your own devise."
"don;t you love her ways...don't you love her as she's walking out the door...like she did one thousand times before." ...sigh...
i loved the dark knight...wanna watch it again...felt real bad about heath l....i really like jake gyllenhaal as well!!! loved brokeback mountain...though i did watch a censored version...loved the last scene...

i talked to school chum of mine today, and was so relieved to realise that we're STILL kindred spirits, to use an anne-ish metaphor. it was great catching up with her, and we had so much to talk about though we live in different continents!! the atlantic ocean hasn't come between us.
so i just realised that we live in a world of crass and blatant materialism...i mean, i did know it all along, but it really sstruck me when i read this bill-board hoarding which said something like...aajkal lok sabe pehle kapre dekhte"...and then you hear all that nonsense about "inner beauty" at those pageants!! indeed!!
television is such an irritant...apart from history channel and discovery travel and living..

whta i meant to say is, life doesn''t offer you the luxury to ponder over the past...

:---------P

I couldn't stop my thoughts from wandering through memory avenue...life tries to teach you many things...it's taught me not to indulge in nostalgic reminisces too often...it's a tough lesson, though. those moments i might have cherished the most, may have faded into insignificance for those who i spent them with. things which are apparantly insignificant fascinate me...but at times, the very people who i've built my memories with forget about the trysts of the past...like my friend ? who i used to be very close to...and spent lots of fun times with...but over the past 2 years we lost touch, and the even pleasant memories hurt more than please...we still talk occasionally, but its not the same...maybe that's one of the lessons an International School teaches you...people come and go...breaking the complacence of eternal friendship...but having said that, i'm lucky to have a multitude of friends scattered across the globe!
i suddenly remembered my first ever 0--Level exam...a Math. paper...the collective jitters, the nervous excitement, Mrs. Chatterjee's re-assuring face...and that was just the first of many, many more exams i've had to write since.
certain people have such weird conceptions of what a student of an International school SHOULD be like...and these are the very people who rally against stereotypes.

shuld it have been " why HAVE the monsoons been stripped of romance?

why has the monsoon been stripped of romance?

i'll tell you......i had to wade through a vile brew of water today...with heaps of garbage floating around...eww, i don't wish to elaborate!! they should do something about the deplorable condition of the roads...the state of this city's streets...the lack of civic sense is unbelievable...i feel like emptying gallons of phenyl around the place. I find it very difficult to weave romantic metaphors around rain anymore. but the claps of thunder were sky shattering today!
i have a presentation due tomorrow!!!!!!!! on pirandello!!!!!!! eeeeeeps!!

busy beeeeeeeee meeeeeeeeee

yes, i know...i've been away from my blog for ever so long...and i suffer secret pangs of guilt more often than one would think...but i've really had no time to write...weel, now that i've apologisd to myself, i can proceed. i've been caught up in a whirlpool of activity....what with copious amounts of italian verbs floating around in my mind, salsa lessons with a generous dollop of the sprains which accompany them, play readings and all my classes at university, i've been so swamped....i can't even think straight, i'm so tired...but i've caught a few films, which i'll def. talk about soon! i wonder how those bees manage? but oh well, it's the honey which matters in the end!

i'm back!

i' back from a week's worth o' vacation...last week found me drenched in the sea-bathed air of Puri...admittedly it's not one of my favourite places...because i spend most of my time readig whenever I visit----which is not what one does on an exciting vacation...at least, not until bed-time. but i had a seriously great time this year. this could be partly attributed to the scorching, sweltering and uncomfortably un-numbing weather of cal....the sandy beach was an alluring golden, grainy yet smooth, warm and welcoming, yielding beneath my feet. the snow-capped waves breaking upon the shore, as they have been for time immemorial, as they will be through the many hours to come. i was overwhelmed by the thought of the sea being so old, and yet so new, as though it kept re-inventing itself through its constant motion. so vast, yet usually so much in command of itself.
hmmmm.......
i watched this particular movie a few days ago...i was told that it was one of it's kind...i was exceedingly diappointed...not only did I find the movie incredibly pretentious while seeming to not be so, i found it lacked the depth which it aspired towards. it tried to achieve the subtle intensity of a classiclike Roman Holiday, but failed where it tried the most. the characterisation was superficial, the "best original screenplay" unimpressive, without a trace of originality...and i also found it rather sexist. the failure to understand another's culture was portrayed in as appaling a way as celluloidly possible.

my menagerie

this has been my week of weeks...admittedly, adopting animals on my blog gives me less than a vicarious thrill, but thrills all the same! i've had so much going on in my life, but i wonder how much of it i can post...and all of a sudden, there's a whole host of books i wish to read, at once!
catching up with old friends is always interesting...and re-discovering friendships even more so!

adopt your own virtual pet!

random snippets of my desultory days.

the other day i was having pizza with Isheeta., who named it a post-colonial pizza. some alliteration, hunh?
have been accompanying my mum to the bazaar...and the weather, well, let's just say it hasn't been gorgeous.
been reading many books...i think i should get back to revising my italian.
i want to visit mexico. we have great people to stay with. but the airfares are too steep.
everything has become ridiculously expensive, owing to the much talked about phenomenon of inflation---i've been rather appalled, to say the least.
i have a busy weekend ahead.
i haven't written a poem in days.
i think last semester's academic work has really had quite a profound influence over moi...lines by emily dickinson, mary coleridge and even aime cesaire keep drifitn about in my mind! no one's complaining though.
i shall resume swimming in a day or two.
i want to read the murder of roger ackroyd. oh, and i FINALLY read the murder on the orient express, and i've figured out why it is such a big deal.
what else? lots more, actually, but am feeling really indolent.

innocuous questions, with no real answers.

what is beauty? can we ever break free of its pre-defined, restricting defintions?
can beauty and brains be reconciled?...believe or not, most people think they are mutually exclusive. this is a tried and tested qs.

is there really only ONE person who is meant to be your soul-mate? what if you don't find him/her in time, which, according to thomas hardy, happens more often than not.
why are there so many break-ups, i ask, aware of sounding naive.

if every thing is dependent on money, why can't MINTS work over-time, along with the people who slog it out in the rat -race.

i have lots more to write, but am running short of time, so more later.

i'm going through a strongly feminist phase. or am i? maybe i'm just refusing to take for granted those very things which a patriarchal society has so effortlessly ingrained within it. i have also begun to feel very strongly for the post-colonial cause. lol . ;-P

the past month...chronicles of the april that was...

i shall begin with an honest declaration! owing to my myriad exams, i have had very little time to spare for blogging. i had to crouch over sheafs of sheets and reams of notes all of last month, trying to figure out a semester's worth of work. i've finally been released from the fetters of examinations, and am freeeeee to ponder! i'm upset! i was meant to visit a very favourite uncle of mine this year. in new jersey. but i've been careless, and not having booked tickets on time, to my horror, airline prices have sky -rocketed over the last three months, leaving me unable to visit this year. wail. oh well. but i'm still hoping for some sort of get-away, i'm feeling rather stultified in this city...and the hideous weather is doing nothing to help. but one consolation is that....it is that time of the year, when my dear ol' school pals are down on vacation....and i spend lotsa time with 'em///not every one's here this time round, though...some of them have just begun to get jobs...wow...big shots and all...lol....but i'm having fun with those of us who are here....we watched il postino today...great, great film...though it was prix's second viewing, and she got bored towards the end....and accused me of being the same...while i was engrossed...and ysrday we wnt to that dreaded place again...F----M, but we didn't geta place to sit....nothing unusual...
besides which life has been rather complicated ...as i'm beginning to realise that human beings are averse to the idea of leading simple, happy lives and love complications. erm.
ad then there's been swimming.
i bought a philip pullman - authored book yesterday.

and reading aurora leigh.
at one gathering.............


an uncle: "jadavpur-e meyera cigarette khaye...chhee, chhee, ki baaje"
ami: "chhelera khaye, shetao toh jaachhe tayi baapar"

did i mention being teased out o' my wits?

what have i been busy doing?

writing short stories and pondering for hours for suitable titles
helping out with the organic utsav
attending family re-unions
eating lunch at seminars
reading, reading, reading(the latest being "many stones"...am currently reading "odd women."
meeting new people
finding new friends
using the metro on my own
talking to old friends
acquiring loadsa new words...{the newest being "lyadh"---a favourite among one and all as of now
discussing films
thinking about I.R.
thinking about my term paper
playing with kids

i wish life was less complicated. human beings are very complex. trying to clear something just muddles it up all the more. oh gosh! am exhausted. busy week, and restless sunday. hmm.

dog-talk

i can't see my dog anywhere on the campus of late. the one with the pink nose who used to shake off his slumber whenever i was anywhere near, honest!
i was so shaken to see this other black and white dog, a regular on our side of the campus, suffering from a horrible skin infection of sorts...i am afraid i don't know too much about the veterinary sciences, but something ought to be done. yesterday it was trying to lie down on its side, but flies kept buzzing around the site of infection and the poor thing was almost out of its mind in agony!
i remember when i was 7 years old i had a best friend in my neighbour's dog, sherpa...i loved how he used to almost eagerly await our evening saunters on the mayfair road terrace, how he used to jump all over me and how intelligent he was. incidentally, he was a spitz.

long time no post

i'm back to being an unproductive blogger. but i really haven't CHOSEN to be lazy of late. i've just been crazy busy...with tests, course work, thinking about not thniking about term papers, and of course the organic utsav. i'm so glad i've begun to involve myself with all sorts of social and environmental work. i'd always , always wanted to but had never quite figured out where and with who to begin. lately some seniors of my departent have been really wonderful and welcoming and so now i'm wrapped up pretty much most of the time. and then of course there are my italian classes. we were asked to finish 22 exercises over the week and just as i wrote out the last answer of the last exercise, with a smile of smug satisfaction on my face, i was told by a friend that we had to do 25 and not 22. sigh. i haven't yet gotten around to finishing them yet. yesterday i watched chak de india again! kabir khan is one terribly interesting and abominably attractive character. this is the first, first movie i actually loved srk in. he wasn't srk playing kabir, he was really kabir khan, incidently played by srk. why am i rambling such rubbish?
the other day i wormed out of attending a lecture in the A.V. room and have been feeling rather ashamed ever since. consience, conscience, conscience. when i grow up a leeetle bit more i'll keep a pup.

Movie Reviews. Or an attempt at them. in fact, nothing of the sort.

Shakespeare in Love----most people have been refusing to believe that i watched the movie for the first time ever this february. i am so taken with it. i think my many courses on the elizabethan stage and theatre really helped me creep into the skin of the film. and whenever i read will's plays now, the image of jo fiennes has to keep floating arond in my mind. the screenplay was so brilliant! one of my favourite plays by the bard is romeo and juliet, i can actually {seriously} rattle it off by heart! heheheh, boy, that sounds modest. gwenyth paltrow was seriously good as viola. the entire construction of this imagined love story was fabulous. sigh. who cares about historical accuracy? the same applies to jodhaa akbar. why are people pulling it apart because it isn't 100 per cent historically accurate. the art of the story teller lies in his own re-creation of certain historical moments.

the grass is so green now. as green as the fat little catterpillar I pain-stakingly lured on to a leaf in school when i was 6. this was in 18 Lee Road. sigh. and what of the time we buried a butterfly which had died owing to its wing being caught on a shard of glass
/ it was so soft, fragile. so delicate. that was over 14 years ago. it has probably been rolled over and over in earth's many diurnal courses since. like worsworth's lucy, only i didn't know of lucy, or wordsworth then. the following day a band of us marched over to the burial spot and dug the place up to see if the butterfly had gone to heaven. we had no doubt that it would. but then i suddenly saw its white-streaked wings greet my unbelieving eyes. that was my first ever encounter with disillusionment.

i was such a shy, shy girl in my first years of school. gosh. i'd be homesick all the time, longing for my mum's soft hands to cling on to. once i started weeping so much, my teachers got annoyed enoygh to call home. and then there was my nose fascination. i was sooo very obsessed with noses. it's still there, i suppose. the first thing i notice in a person is the nose. distinct noses really attract moi.

this is such a weird post. so desultory and aimless. kothay theke kothay chole jachhe. the surprising thing is i'm not embarassed by the embarrasing moments of my childhood. i quite miss them. those were the days. lol.

i feel so funny today. my mind is in quite a turbulent state. things are not hunky dory. old "friendships" are crumbling...i'm awakening to the horrid realisation that most of these relationships were not real at all. i never conform to peer pressure, i have always enjoyed being myself, being lost in my thoughts and ideals, but i suddenly feel alienated. i have so many people i love around me. i am getting to know so many more people. but certain things are bothering me. i hope i can face up to them. hmmm. initially i placed academics at the centre of my universe. now i find myself incessantly pondering over things i never assigned much importance to. oh well.

lil' tubs

adopt your own virtual pet!

j.a.---jodhaa akbar!
s---sawaariya

the evening is quivering with potential..this line gets stuck in my head whenever i'm confined indoors on particularly pink evenings with violet skies and perfumed breezes. when the songs of the cuckoo are rivalled by the croaks of crows. hmm. not that i can't go out for a bit. but i'm enamoured by a certain someone. a certain brilliant actor. i don't knoow what others thought, but i LURVED j.a. it was a haunting film. i think every emotion was played out so very well...finely tuned acting...it was more than "acting"...it transcended the confines of the word...just like the Sufi musicians. a.r.b. was brilliant too. i actually found her terrific in h.d.d.c.s. most people i notice are averse to the opulent grandeur of sb's films, but i am quite fascinated by them. whereas most people didn't have too many good things too say about 's,' i found it magical. poetic, yet sordid, real yet fabricated, a perfect allegory on the film world itself, where one has to fight it out, not depend on one's predeccors and carry one's own recommendation and no one else's. even if the already established actor sweeps the girl away in the end, the struggling actor keeps boxing his way into the realm of cinema. one of my favourite scenes of h.d.d.c.s. was when s.k.'s character kept refusing the food a.r. was offering him by pushing the spoon away and the way in which she kept raising the spoon with unflickering patience. now how did i get from J.A. to S.B.'s films? hmmm.

sleeepy is what i am.

some "walk the line" fans will recognise the title a quote from the film. that's not very important though. it was a rather inconspicuous line. i am so tired. i finally, finally managed to deposit my fees after an agonising wait of three LONG hours. if i don't stay on at JUDE for my masters this was probably the last time i put myself through this ordeal...but it's not only me...we all suffer collectively. but we do learn a thing or two in the art of patience. and feel a wave of satisfaction break over us at the end of it all. oh well. i missed two classes owing to all this aajke. i was a bit coss. but not very. i hope i stay on here, at JU, but i'm not entirely sure. i have a passionate love for the literary realm, but i was an ardent lover of biochemistry as well. lessseeee. i don't think i'll go back to the sciences though. i HATED it when people used to assume that just because i was equally interested in the sciences, and pleased the world with my grades, that i'd never step into the field of arts. i despise this derogatory attitude toward the arts which is ever so prevalent. people just betray thier ignorance by speaking such rubbish. sooo many people were soooo shocked when i didn't pursue the sciences. but then again i wasn't overly fond of physics. i liked reading the theory of physics but i HATED writing exams, and never got over a B in my o, A/S and A2 levels. chemistry was GREAT. i miss miss miss it. and i lURVE bio. what was i talking of? well, after my B.A. i might study International Relations. i'm not sure though. things are looking very vague. Very.
i was missing school today. it's been over 3 years since i joined uni and all, but oh well.
i want to watch jodhaa akbar. i am quite fascinated by h. roshan. he's so wonderful. hehe.
i want to watch AMADEUS. i'll try and buy a copy.

there is music in the air tonight,
the candles flicker in their shadowy light
the lone owl, with a piercing howl,
has spread its wings and taken flight.

there is music in the air tonight,
the wind whispers with all its might
the moon glows, as if it knows
the dark world infested with its pale light.

thoughts.

i was thinking of making a list of places i'd like to visit or re-visit. i didn't know where to start. France used always to top my list. Paris. not for the sole purpose of visiting jim morrison's grave, though some of my friends insisted that was why. i love the very idea of the quaint little road-side cafes with tiny tables and scraping chairs. the tiny Parisian book stores i've heard so much of. there's no missing the splendour of the eiffel tower. and the seine. and ofcourse the memories of Napleon strewn all over the place. and oscar wilde's grave. to say nothing of the cheese and the clothes, though i'll probably have to restrict myself to shop window gazing.
what of italy? i watched this episode of INNtimate escapes and am so enamoured by this place called Asolo. a leetle place which was once inhabited by the Brownings. it is an epitome of the idyllic. so verdant, vibrant, greeeeen, and a train ride away from Venice! and i've wanted to go to Florence ever since i've read and LOVED a room with a view.
well, now i feel like keeping the list for a bit of a hold and speaking of other things. my Italian classes are scheduled to start tomorrow. lessee how those will go. i want to visit my school...i saw it from afar today and i can't believe i haven't been able to visit the place even once. i REALLY miss 18 Lee road though. it's so ironic most people from CIS want to meet up at the forum because it unintentionally provides a weak, weak link. that dear old bungalow. with memories stowed away in every unimaginable corner. the fish tank. the math shed. the field being out of bounds ever so often. the art room. the ice-cream dada. the jhaal muri dada. the porch. the dreaded assemblies. the red-roofed hut in the nursery garden. sigh. all this has been levelled to a mammoth parking lot. wow. people have given me very mixed reviews about the new school. i stubbornly refuse to love it. but it seems convenient, and big and spacious. erm.

twen-teen.

i'm twenteen years old. yes, you read right. i don't suppose it's possible to stop feeling like a teenager just because you turn twenty. growing out of adolescence is a more gradual process, ain't it? it's hard to lure oneself away from the enticing allure the teen years can offer. high school and university are the most fascinating years ever...there's SO much to learn...academically indeed. and otherwise. every one seems to be enlightened about the ways of the world as a collective whole.
i've been attnding many interesting classes of late. i LOVE my Tempest classes. i don't know why i feel rather nervous before posing questions, though my professor is the most brilliantl and most encouraging ever!!!! i think the tempest offers one of the most ambiguous conclusions EVER! prospero's art doesn't prove to be entirely efficacious as it cannot penetrate the sinister realm inhabited by antonio and sebastian. also, if they've tried their hand at ousting the monarch twice {both times unsuccesfully, as Prospero does eventually return and alonso is not murdered} there is little guarantee that they won't try it once again. miranda welcomes the court party exceedingly warmly and thinks very well of them...misguided judgement...one hopes she is not as deceived about apotheosising[??] Ferdinand.
okies, enough of this literary talk for the time being.
the weather's nice today. i tried sushi at south city for the first time today! i can't believe i didn't try any in thailand. oh well. we were supposed to have another school friends meet up today. the last day at haldiram's was awesome. i felt like "debu" again...but today's meet didn't happen.

fairy tale no more? (cinderella na!]

That very first time Ella had visited Quay Beach a strange notion had hoisted itself on to the sails of her mind, which seemed to be fluttering to the newly blowing breeze of love. It was the first time they’d taken a trip as a family which had been glued together by a terrible mistake---her dad, step-mom and Anna and Drizzy. Ella had realized soon enough that this marriage, made upon her aunt’s insistence that Ella ought to grow up with a mother around her, was making her father miserable. Macy was so self-centred, to say nothing of her obsession with extravagance. Dizzy was not too bad to be with when she was alone, but was at her vicious best when she was around the tyrannical Anna, which was most always. Her stepsisters and Macy manage to drain her dad’s indefatigably jovial spirit and drilled a big, ugly hole in his pocket.

But she’d met John, the Hotelier’s son, a millionaire by birth, who took a fancy to the wide-eyed, shy Ella from almost the minute he set his eyes upon her. She recalled with nostalgic relish their midnight rambles on the moon-bathed sands, listening to her dad’s funny anecdotes, when John would laugh in his sudden, frank way, catch Ella’s eye and fall quiet almost at once. Anna and Drizzy had hardly taken notice of the scrawny boy with a mop of unkempt hair, who seemed to be willing to walk on his head to please Ella, and liberally bestowed looks of cold disdain upon rich Mr. Harrison’s stupid young son.

That long ago night when Ella came down with a fever, her dad had rushed out for a doctor, while Macy and her daughters attended the annual beach party hosted by the Harrisons’. John Harrison had sat down by her side and read her a story about a nightingale and a rose. Maybe it was the gesture, or the story, more likely both, which had made her sniffle and cry, her tears rapidly rolling down her hot, flushed cheeks, while she kept willing her nose to not water. A disconcerted John tried to make her laugh by twisting his face into the most bizarre contortions, but Ella began fearing an epileptic attack on his behalf and howled even louder,

Ella smiled a sad little smile. Those long—forgotten days which had opened up unknown thoughts and puzzling feelings had long been buried in the past. Her dad used to often tell her that her life would turn out to be a fairy-tale, and Ella’s romantic mind had believed him…foolishly, she now thought. She could never forgive her dad for walking out on her three years ago, but she still reads the letter he’d written her, assuring her of a rosy life ahead and asking her to forgive him, telling her that it was impossible to live on with Macy who refused to grant him a divorce until he agreed to leave Ella out of his will, and that he’d be back as soon as he could find a legal way out of this problem. Ella often wondered why he didn’t return; didn’t he love her as much as she’d thought? This had been the year after the summer at Quay-Beach, but Macy insisted on returning there to keep her summer tryst with the rich and fancy, evidently unaffected by her husband’s sudden desertion. Mr. Waters hadn’t taken a penny away with him, and this often worried Ella. How and where was he living? she often asked herself, with no inkling of an answer. The thought of Quay-Beach, had, however, delighted Ella, though she feigned indifference. Both she and John had decided not to write to one another so that they’d have a store of things to talk about when they next met, which Ella had known would be soon, knowing Macy. It surprised her that Macy turned out to be more predictable than her dad.

At first her family had talked of leaving her behind, making Ella’s heart take several frightened leaps, but Macy was struck with the vague fear that her dad might return and abrew trouble in their absence. “Looks like you’ll have to tag along, after all,’ she’d drawled, dripping contempt. John would be there, Ella had gladly thought, her Prince Charming, who’d stirred that abstruse emotion in her heart, the thought of whom was all it took to make Ella believe her life wasn’t as bad as it had begun to seem. Then the bomb had dropped. Anna managed to fail her annual exams, Drizzy secured an F in math, and Ella accrued a decent number of decent grades. Macy saw a lot of the colour red, was hopping mad and promptly cancelled Ella’s secretly sought trip as a sign of reproach to her daughters. Ella was more than a bit surprised at her step-mom’s taking academics
so seriously, and felt slightly re-assured that she didn’t know Macy so well after all.

It’s been four years since she’d first met John at 15, and now she’s sure he has long forgotten that distant, perhaps inconsequential summer.

The door-bell rings. A letter arrives. Trembling fingers tear open the envelope with an impatience that would rival a five year old’s on Christmas Eve. Ella can’t believe her eyes, and neither can Anna and Macy... She’s gotten through to the law college she’d set her eyes on ever since her dad had taken flight. Macy looks rather scared; she lives in perpetual fear that Ella’s dad will come back and turn her out, {having found a legal way out of the problem} and to have a full-fledged lawyer on the other side of the family was more than an unpleasant thought. “Don’t work yourself too hard.” She says weakly. “I’ll have to, I’m on scholarship!” Ella smiles. She gets along fine with Drizzy now, who gives her a big, rather clumsy bear hug. Life’s not so bad after all, Ella thinks. After all, wasn’t there romance in the idea of a long lost child-hood love? Maybe she’d earn enough go back to Quay-Beach herself one day, maybe John would have changed beyond recognition, maybe he wouldn’t recognize her and maybe she wouldn’t really mind anymore.

life as it seems.

relationships. that's the most confusing word in my dictionary as of now. i don't know what to think of them. i'm thinking of the romantic kind. i've never really been involved in one. i'm a hopeless idealist and an incurable romantic. my first crush happens to be Napoloeon...hehe...the picture of him as a young artillery officer mingled with his strategic military exploits really enchanted moi. hehe. well, as of now i'm a bit confused. i've had enough of falling in love with fictional, historical and celluloid characters...{well, not quite, i was raving about jake gyllenhaal and george gordon{ L.B.} all day today}...i don't know. maybe i'm very fastidious. that's what others think. i don't really think so. erm...i don't let it on when i like someone, who might even like me back. i guess i can come across as pretty unreadable. but oh well, that's just me i suppose. do i regret the way i am ? maybe. sometimes. it's not like i havn't had my share of healthy real life crushes! i don't like to get over people too easily. it doesn't harm me, in fact i quite like lingering over my feelings. okies, now i'm rambling.

blogging at last.

i'm beginning to think that i'm the most miserably lazy person in this whole round world...erm, i've been meaning to post on this ever-untouched blog of mine since the beginning of the year. perhaps i should give up on resolutions all together. to be honest, i know very little about blogging. what does one write? how much does one let go of oneself? where does one start? s and lashing currents before

i'll start with something really random. this is a poem i wrote abot three years ago. i wonder what people think of it. here goes, i guess:

WINTER SUNSHINE


Warmth within you which feeds my soul,
Engulfing the cold waves which did flow
In harsh torrents and lashing currents
before your light did glow.

slanting rays like strings of a harp,
enclose me in your music soft:
so i may croon your eternal tune,
when you are hidden by star-time's loft."

i'll write the next two verses later.