Clasped

As I lay clasped in his embrace, the warmth from his body engulfing mine with unparalleled comfort, I looked into the eyes which revealed a tender, sensitive soul…a steely exterior, grown stronger with the onslaught of life’s multi-hued experiences…the stronger the framework of steel, the more soft the protected thoughts within…and emotions suddenly coursed through my veins, as though an unknown dam had broken without any perceptible reason. I loved this boy beyond the bounds of thought, so much so that every word which fell from his lips went straight to various corners of my heart…every emotion was heightened beyond comprehension…immense joy, immense sadness, immense relief, immense satisfaction, immense amusement…and I felt like merging myself with him on levels beyond the mere physical…and I wished to transcend time and space in my modes of union with him…the present moment ensured that we were entwined with one another…with the volatile world spinning on its axis around us…while all we cared about was the mutual affection which bound our breaths together...the future, laden with uncertain possibilities, lay ignored for the time being, as we swirled the taste of living in the moment around the tips of our tongues…but the past…ah, the past was beyond our reach…for every former tear shed, for every illness battled in solitude, for every beat of a saddened heart…which he had experienced on his own…I was unable to reach out to that realm gone by, to put my arms around him and lend him a consoling shoulder, a reassuring hand, to nurse him gently through bouts of sickness, to kiss him to sleep after a night of bewildered self-questioning and to stroke his head for no particular reason… to rejoice in the rain with his little joys and sorrows…which accompany the half-illusory, half-real successes and failures which play hide and seek with our lives…but all I could do was long in wistfulness, from the helplessness of the Present, which fettered me and restricted my access to bygone hours…