This is one of my long days at work, and I have been mostly diligent! Having finished with my lessons for the day and wrapping up my consults, I am now trying to accomplish the glorious tasks of eating my dinner, marking essays and resisting the temptation to write...the best way to stave off the final temptation, as Wilde would note with pleasure, is by me ending up yielding to it.
Sigh. That's a happy sigh, if a bit tired. My days have been glorious in all their difficulty, joyfulness, eccentricity, childishness, complexity, boisterousness and simplicity. In the midst of trying to figure out where I,indeed where we, figure in the complicated scheme of things, where laid out plans are foiled, carefully contstructed castles, (whether they float on air or are rooted on terrestrial soil) are pulled down and apart with alarming ease, I have been trying hard, often in vain, and sometimes with dim glimmers of evasive epiphany, to realise what offers one peace, contentment and stability in this seemingly mad maelstrom of event after event, emotion after emotion, place after place, face after face, small pleasures, small stings of pain, snatched moments of peace which seem unreal amidst all this chaos...what keeps one ticking?
I have also been wondering why I relentlessly think upon every issue I can possibly ruminate upon with such intensity these days...and whether it's a good thing to have all these parallel events so worthy of thought...
Increasingly, I find myself being told to let go, of old and perhaps childish ideals. Because childish is a bad word, is it not, in a world where the faster one grows up, the more chances one has of succeeding, of negotiating this complex maze of woven chapters...really? Weeell, not necessarily for me...for I have noticed that though life grows us all up, soon enough, that we begin to behave like uber responsible adults, do our work sincerely, meet deadlines, speak in tones of measured politeness, all these things have little to do with letting go of the eagerness and sincere emotions, the undiluted joys and the unadulterated pains a child feels...if one lets the child within die, one loses the concentrated elixir of pure emotion, that ultimate essence which makes life so exciting, so colourful, so vivid, so beautiful, so wondrous, so strange and yet so hopelessly hopeful. And retaining that innocence, if that could be the appropriate term, doesn't make one naive, stupid, foolish or an easy target for bullying...NO, I vehemently disagree...this innocence is not synomous with stupidity or silliness, it is protected by a charm of great wisdom, the golden keys are possessed by those who are wise enough to realise its worth, and not dismiss or discount its merits...
Am I rambling? I hope I am...it's so therapuetic to get all these thoughts out...does this innocence (will think of perhaps a better word), make one vulnerable to get hurt? Because one goes in to a myriad of situations, not armed with the well-worn defences of a weathered cynic, but with a great degree of hope and enthusiasm, which could get squashed, but which could also bloom...of course, the difference between childhood and adulthood being, perhaps, that a screen of caution is always on site, in sight, with varying layers of net...maybe
In other news...I have been enjoying the company of people...of friends who make my life so meaningful, who take the trouble to go out of their way, to help each other, be it answering my overseas phone calls, and calmly philosophising, be it going out of their way to accompany me when they sense I might need it, being there, in far and distant lands, like silent songs, waiting to spring into harmony, at the slightest touch of the musical chords.
Sigh. That's a happy sigh, if a bit tired. My days have been glorious in all their difficulty, joyfulness, eccentricity, childishness, complexity, boisterousness and simplicity. In the midst of trying to figure out where I,indeed where we, figure in the complicated scheme of things, where laid out plans are foiled, carefully contstructed castles, (whether they float on air or are rooted on terrestrial soil) are pulled down and apart with alarming ease, I have been trying hard, often in vain, and sometimes with dim glimmers of evasive epiphany, to realise what offers one peace, contentment and stability in this seemingly mad maelstrom of event after event, emotion after emotion, place after place, face after face, small pleasures, small stings of pain, snatched moments of peace which seem unreal amidst all this chaos...what keeps one ticking?
I have also been wondering why I relentlessly think upon every issue I can possibly ruminate upon with such intensity these days...and whether it's a good thing to have all these parallel events so worthy of thought...
Increasingly, I find myself being told to let go, of old and perhaps childish ideals. Because childish is a bad word, is it not, in a world where the faster one grows up, the more chances one has of succeeding, of negotiating this complex maze of woven chapters...really? Weeell, not necessarily for me...for I have noticed that though life grows us all up, soon enough, that we begin to behave like uber responsible adults, do our work sincerely, meet deadlines, speak in tones of measured politeness, all these things have little to do with letting go of the eagerness and sincere emotions, the undiluted joys and the unadulterated pains a child feels...if one lets the child within die, one loses the concentrated elixir of pure emotion, that ultimate essence which makes life so exciting, so colourful, so vivid, so beautiful, so wondrous, so strange and yet so hopelessly hopeful. And retaining that innocence, if that could be the appropriate term, doesn't make one naive, stupid, foolish or an easy target for bullying...NO, I vehemently disagree...this innocence is not synomous with stupidity or silliness, it is protected by a charm of great wisdom, the golden keys are possessed by those who are wise enough to realise its worth, and not dismiss or discount its merits...
Am I rambling? I hope I am...it's so therapuetic to get all these thoughts out...does this innocence (will think of perhaps a better word), make one vulnerable to get hurt? Because one goes in to a myriad of situations, not armed with the well-worn defences of a weathered cynic, but with a great degree of hope and enthusiasm, which could get squashed, but which could also bloom...of course, the difference between childhood and adulthood being, perhaps, that a screen of caution is always on site, in sight, with varying layers of net...maybe
In other news...I have been enjoying the company of people...of friends who make my life so meaningful, who take the trouble to go out of their way, to help each other, be it answering my overseas phone calls, and calmly philosophising, be it going out of their way to accompany me when they sense I might need it, being there, in far and distant lands, like silent songs, waiting to spring into harmony, at the slightest touch of the musical chords.
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