You know, I miss writing all the time, at every part of the day. Sometimes I wake up to a dissolving dream which awaits chronicling, but try as I might to recall it all day, I find myself unable to do so. It makes me feel horribly incompetent to be such a lazy writer. For though I am excessively occupied with professional matters, I should motivate myself to scribble a line or two now and then.
Work is demanding but is also rewarding. Teaching can bring you to the highest of highs. It can also drain you...physically and emotionally. I have made so many mistakes, and I realise that I haven't lost my old and possible eternal fear of making mistakes. I try not to repeat them but make new ones instead. I don't know where the problem lies: in setting unrealistic self-expectations or in the discerning attitude of the world.
Life has also been positive...meeting many people, but mostly being absorbed into the work culture. But sometimes I fear that I am forgetting myself in the process...like yesterday, I watched Ratatouille and felt re-connected with 'my inner sense of art' (my how grand THAT sounds...haha) all over again. I keep trying to figure out how I would have reacted to a similar situation 2 years ago...I keep trying to map my growth, my change. I am expected to have ventured into the realm of full fledged adult-hood now. Well maybe I can allow myself to be twen-teen for another year. I am supposed to be grown up. A phase I have dreamt of ever since ever...but WHAT does the word mean? How am I expected to behave? I feel certain undeniable changes in me...I find that I have become MUCH less picky about things in general...I use the word since I heard it yesterday, in Ratatouille and registered it at once as a piece of Profound wisdom: THE TRICK, my friend, lies in not being PICKY...yes, being fastidious will only bring with it a host of problems...I feel more humility as I learn new things every day...I feel more shy sometimes, I don't know why...not while taking classes, which I approach with more confidence and ease ever day...but in my social interactions, I feel more diffident than ever before...and I am puzzled...where is my ease of conversation hiding? Why am I becoming quieter? When will I laugh a hail and hearty laugh at nothing in particular again? I guess I should wait till I am reunited with my best of friends again...a whole host of them fro school and University days...
I guess its the transition...from being a student to a career-girl, from actually watching and feeling my dreams take shape around me...for a lot of them have come true...hard work though it may be, this is PRECISELY the kind of job I had craved for, in those long-ago days of weaving the future out of threads of hope, hard-work and wonder...but had I asked for something more?
All transitions are hard...happiness lies in accepting things fast, and then ensconcing yourself into the wayyyy of things before the next transition turns up...
I guess I need to engage in a heart-to heart conversation with one who has known me for a looong time...that would help me connect my life to the past me more happily...because while I grow and Learn, I must not forget the shadows of the past...I miss my old life, but I am warming up to a new way of seeing things...all for the best, I hope...
Also whenever I recall my childhood the first thoughts to cross my mind are that of a girl reading and imagining, reading and imagining, alternately...but usually together...and interacting with people...the faces of my friends are forever in the fore-ground of my mind...the many memories we've made together, from the smallest to the largest, from the loudest to the quietest, from the palest to the most colourful, are woven together with memory glue, much like a spider's web...
But there's one thing I await...
Life tests all of us, it's what we learn and how we USE and APPLY that knowledge, and strive to be better people, along the way.
I suddenly miss Kolkata...I miss it all the time...I miss family
As an aside, I really want to watch the movie on Darwin's life, named CREATION...and I want to re-read so many books...<3 ...am="...am" currently="currently" ingleside...oh="ingleside...oh" l.m.="l.m." montgomery="montgomery" p="p" reeeeading="reeeeading">
Work is demanding but is also rewarding. Teaching can bring you to the highest of highs. It can also drain you...physically and emotionally. I have made so many mistakes, and I realise that I haven't lost my old and possible eternal fear of making mistakes. I try not to repeat them but make new ones instead. I don't know where the problem lies: in setting unrealistic self-expectations or in the discerning attitude of the world.
Life has also been positive...meeting many people, but mostly being absorbed into the work culture. But sometimes I fear that I am forgetting myself in the process...like yesterday, I watched Ratatouille and felt re-connected with 'my inner sense of art' (my how grand THAT sounds...haha) all over again. I keep trying to figure out how I would have reacted to a similar situation 2 years ago...I keep trying to map my growth, my change. I am expected to have ventured into the realm of full fledged adult-hood now. Well maybe I can allow myself to be twen-teen for another year. I am supposed to be grown up. A phase I have dreamt of ever since ever...but WHAT does the word mean? How am I expected to behave? I feel certain undeniable changes in me...I find that I have become MUCH less picky about things in general...I use the word since I heard it yesterday, in Ratatouille and registered it at once as a piece of Profound wisdom: THE TRICK, my friend, lies in not being PICKY...yes, being fastidious will only bring with it a host of problems...I feel more humility as I learn new things every day...I feel more shy sometimes, I don't know why...not while taking classes, which I approach with more confidence and ease ever day...but in my social interactions, I feel more diffident than ever before...and I am puzzled...where is my ease of conversation hiding? Why am I becoming quieter? When will I laugh a hail and hearty laugh at nothing in particular again? I guess I should wait till I am reunited with my best of friends again...a whole host of them fro school and University days...
I guess its the transition...from being a student to a career-girl, from actually watching and feeling my dreams take shape around me...for a lot of them have come true...hard work though it may be, this is PRECISELY the kind of job I had craved for, in those long-ago days of weaving the future out of threads of hope, hard-work and wonder...but had I asked for something more?
All transitions are hard...happiness lies in accepting things fast, and then ensconcing yourself into the wayyyy of things before the next transition turns up...
I guess I need to engage in a heart-to heart conversation with one who has known me for a looong time...that would help me connect my life to the past me more happily...because while I grow and Learn, I must not forget the shadows of the past...I miss my old life, but I am warming up to a new way of seeing things...all for the best, I hope...
Also whenever I recall my childhood the first thoughts to cross my mind are that of a girl reading and imagining, reading and imagining, alternately...but usually together...and interacting with people...the faces of my friends are forever in the fore-ground of my mind...the many memories we've made together, from the smallest to the largest, from the loudest to the quietest, from the palest to the most colourful, are woven together with memory glue, much like a spider's web...
But there's one thing I await...
Life tests all of us, it's what we learn and how we USE and APPLY that knowledge, and strive to be better people, along the way.
I suddenly miss Kolkata...I miss it all the time...I miss family
As an aside, I really want to watch the movie on Darwin's life, named CREATION...and I want to re-read so many books...<3 ...am="...am" currently="currently" ingleside...oh="ingleside...oh" l.m.="l.m." montgomery="montgomery" p="p" reeeeading="reeeeading">
1 comment:
One of the best posts I've read in recent times, keep up the good work.
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