the grass is so green now. as green as the fat little catterpillar I pain-stakingly lured on to a leaf in school when i was 6. this was in 18 Lee Road. sigh. and what of the time we buried a butterfly which had died owing to its wing being caught on a shard of glass
/ it was so soft, fragile. so delicate. that was over 14 years ago. it has probably been rolled over and over in earth's many diurnal courses since. like worsworth's lucy, only i didn't know of lucy, or wordsworth then. the following day a band of us marched over to the burial spot and dug the place up to see if the butterfly had gone to heaven. we had no doubt that it would. but then i suddenly saw its white-streaked wings greet my unbelieving eyes. that was my first ever encounter with disillusionment.

i was such a shy, shy girl in my first years of school. gosh. i'd be homesick all the time, longing for my mum's soft hands to cling on to. once i started weeping so much, my teachers got annoyed enoygh to call home. and then there was my nose fascination. i was sooo very obsessed with noses. it's still there, i suppose. the first thing i notice in a person is the nose. distinct noses really attract moi.

this is such a weird post. so desultory and aimless. kothay theke kothay chole jachhe. the surprising thing is i'm not embarassed by the embarrasing moments of my childhood. i quite miss them. those were the days. lol.

i feel so funny today. my mind is in quite a turbulent state. things are not hunky dory. old "friendships" are crumbling...i'm awakening to the horrid realisation that most of these relationships were not real at all. i never conform to peer pressure, i have always enjoyed being myself, being lost in my thoughts and ideals, but i suddenly feel alienated. i have so many people i love around me. i am getting to know so many more people. but certain things are bothering me. i hope i can face up to them. hmmm. initially i placed academics at the centre of my universe. now i find myself incessantly pondering over things i never assigned much importance to. oh well.